![]() ![]() This lets me off the hook, in some ways: “there is a boundary here” gives me something to say to the offender without having to describe my woundedness. Renaming the event this way redescribes the hurt as a violation, a form of emotional trespassing. People use the language of boundaries first and foremost to communicate hurt: the word shows up after something painful has happened, usually as a retroactive narrative to make sense of the damage: a boundary was crossed. I’m actually at capacity right now,” and then you will fall asleep within fifteen minutes of turning out the light. You will promptly reply to the text of a friend in crisis to say, “Hey! I’m so glad you reached out. You will learn to say the word “no,” protect your time, and double your salary. As you are released from everyone else’s psychodrama, your racing thoughts will quiet, and your ability to concentrate will return. Friends and lovers will stop using you as a screen for their projections. ![]() Children will stay out of your home office. Wellness influencers and book-writing therapists promise that if you clarify the line dividing you from those around you, your boyfriend will stop envying your career and start doing the dishes. “Personal boundaries”-or often just “boundaries”-are the hallmark of emotional maturity, ethical integrity, and social desirability. ![]()
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